Are You selfish Or Selfish?
Did anyone ever tell you that you were selfish, when you finally did something good for yourSelf – you know that Self Love thing?
Or maybe you just felt selfish without anyone actually saying it?
Feeling selfish or being called selfish doesn’t feel good and can make you do things that you know are not good for you or for the other person, just to avoid that label.
Doing things out of fear to not be called selfish or unkind, or because you want to be loved, is actually quite selfish!
Truly, when we act out of fear we are acting from our little self, hence the word selfish.
Imagine if capitalizing one single letter could completely change the way you act in your life and experience that Selfish is quite the opposite of selfish and is what you really want to experience in your attempt to not be seen as selfish.
From selfish to Selfish
Most of us have never even considered that the word selfish becomes Selfish when we stop fleeing from our Higher Self as we are trying to save everyone else around us while ignoring our own Self. Did anyone ever tell you that you were Selfish and that that is a good thing?
I used to joke around with a friend of mine years ago saying: “I am full of my Self”, and we laughed because we knew that it meant that we had become Selfish.
Moving from selfish to Selfish is a process of becoming conscious of when we act out of fear of what others will say about us if we don’t try to be like them. It’s a process of showing our little self that there are other choices outside of this scared little identity.
What is selfish?
I often like to see what the online dictionary says about words we blindly use without considering what they really mean:
1. Devoted to or caring only for oneself; concerned primarily with one’s own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others.
2. Characterized by or manifesting concern or care only for oneself
3. Self-interested, self-seeking, egoistic, illiberal, parsimonious, stingy
Yikes! I wouldn’t want that label on me either, so no wonder we do things to avoid falling into that category. Inside you already know that you are more than just selfish, but how do you start expressing that?
Let’s explore what self/Self really is:
What is self? What is Self?
Under the philosophy section, the online dictionary gives 2 suggestions:
a. The ego
b. The uniting principle, as a soul, underlying all subjective experience
To me that sounds like self and Self and are 2 completely different experiences, yet we rarely consider that when we sweep both of them under the same shameful category.
The way I experience ego or self is as a separate sense of self, separate from the Divine.
Whereas Self is the experience of your whole Being, a sense of Oneness, inseparable from the Divine or anything else for that matter, including your little self or ego. Remember, it is only a separate sense of self and not a real separation.
When we experience life as separate from the Divine, we live in fear, struggle and survival, and being selfish is essential to survive physically, emotionally and mentally. It’s a natural part of our evolutionary ever expanding Self and not something to be ashamed about. Just look around the world where the majority lives that way: selfish – simply because the feel separated from their Self and don’t even know it.
When you are selfish, you feel separate from your needs and think you need to fight and struggle for them. This is where greed, jealousy, dishonesty, righteousness, pretense and so much more breeds. As the human condition we predominantly feel disconnected from our Higher or Divine Self and feel driven by fear to survive in this world. We are unaware that our fulfillment exists in reconnecting with our Self and are therefore unable to relax and surrender into It.
Please make sure you don’t judge your self when you start realizing this in your own experience. If you do judge, you are just adding to your selfishness!
Wouldn’t it be nice to not feel imprisoned by the fears of what others may think about you? Imagine being able to make a different choice other than blindly acting from emotional survival. How will it feel to not really care what ‘other selfs’ think about you, and instead connect with ‘other Selfs’ who encourage and support you?
If you find it hard to do something good for yourself out of fear what others will think about you, or if you are guilt-tripping yourself, you are likely struggling emotionally to be seen as loving and caring. This is being identified with small self and consequently makes you act selfishly. How else could it be? So even with all good intents and purposes of wanting to be kind and loving and not wanting to be selfish, it kind’a falls into that category, doesn’t it?
On the other hand if you feel connected to your Higher Self, you are motivated by wholeness which includes you too (here’s that Self Love again!) and you won’t feel separate or selfish. When you are grounded in your Divine Self you are naturally guided to act or not act – to give or not give – to do or not do. You authentically and lovingly include your own needs, guidance and presence, because that is exactly how you stay connected to your Self. There is no division in you that would make you do something out of guilt or fear of being judged. You simply do it because inside you Feel the rightness of your action or lack of action and it is not filtered through the ego’s fear-based projections of ‘other.’
Including yourself only or also?
There is a difference between caring for yourself only and caring for yourself also.
‘Only me’ excludes others (separation).
‘Also me’ includes you (no separation).
We now know that the separate sense of self does not want to be, nor be seen as selfish. It wants to be seen as Selfless, which is what happens when you are Selfish!! The little self is judging itself for being a little self, which is why it is trying to come across as Selfless. So you see, it’s all about the little self and that’s why all those actions are selfish. Wait a minute! Did you ever consider that? As long as you feel separate from your Divine Self, you are selfish. But there is no judgment about it. It’s just a matter of fact.
It’s only the little self that judges itself for feeling separate from Self. That is painful all on its own, so why add more pain by judging yourself. If and when you can just observe this as a given fact at this moment and maybe even extend some compassion for this painful experience, you just may have touched into your Self!
Try to move from selfish to Selfish simply by not judging or making yourself wrong. You are perfect the way you are and like the rest of us you are on an evolutionary path moving from separation to Oneness.
Include your Self
Yes, selfish is clearly acting in a way to avoid being judged by others and thereby leaving your Higher Self behind. This separate sense of self is concerned about its image and about what others think about you. You can’t really separate the two until you rise up higher into your Self and start acting from your Self’s higher expressions such as Love and Compassion for the separate sense of self.
Please… don’t judge yourself. We all want to be seen as loving, caring, kind and considerate. But as long as you are not conscious of this, you take on an identity that is dependent on what others think about you. Then you strengthen your little self by creating a pseudo self that makes you act as if you are loving, kind and caring. But underneath there is a volcano waiting to erupt saying: what about me, me, me? I want to be loved too!
This disowned part feels rejected, squashed and shamed as if it doesn’t have the right to all the things that you want others to have. How is that for selfish?
Include your self with its natural needs
I used to do it too, that selfish thing. If someone was hurting, unhappy, needy or in pain, I was there for them. It felt good to be supportive, listen to them and help them find a way out of their suffering.
It’s a natural expression to want to help and shows how connected we all are. But it feels so much better when I don’t exclude my own needs and my own Being and don’t do it because I want people to see me in a certain way. When I feel at One with my Self I am able to lovingly decline and say no if that is what feels most true in the moment. It all starts with including your little self with all its natural needs and wants in its current state of feeling separate. It is simply your rejection of your little self that makes you feel separate from your Self and the only reason that you act selfishly. When you learn to listen to and include yourself, the feeling of a separate sense of self diminishes and you have already taken the first big leap into becoming Selfish.
Summing it all up:
- By excluding any part of your Self, you initiate the feeling of a separate sense of self, disconnected from the wholeness, fullness and fulfillment of all that you already are.
- This separate sense of self gets scared and feels the need to survive physically through lying, hurting others, cheating, stealing, and greed because it thinks that is the only way to survive.
- It also feels the need to survive emotionally by being seen as loving, caring, and ‘good’ and happily compromises its own needs and knowledge to avoid being rejected and judged as selfish.
- Mentally it tries to survive by comparing, competing, being righteous and better than others.
- Finally, it becomes too painful to live as if you are separate from the whole and from your Divine Self. You gradually start embracing and including all the parts – the separate senses of self – that have no other choice than to be selfish. You invite them back into the Love that you already are when you stop ‘unloving’ any part of yourself.
Give it a try and let me know what happens.