We all want to change, don’t we – change for the better. Better health, better relationship, better finances, better God connection, better self esteem, better attitude, better, better, better. Do you ever ask yourself ‘Why is it so hard to change?’
Wanting to change is a natural response to the Evolutionary Impulse guiding your life.
I sometimes wonder why this Impulse didn’t come with an ‘easy’ button!
“It’s easy to change, it’s easy to lose weight, it’s easy to be more loving when you are angry, it’s easy…..” Not! At least not yet.
So Why Is It So Hard To Change YourSelf?
Have you ever wondered why it is so darn hard to change negative, destructive patterns into positive, healthy ones?
Let’s face it: it’s not easy to change. We are creatures of comfort and habits. We are so comfortable in our patterns, habits and routines – with our favorite foods, behaviors and laziness – our attitudes, righteousness, unworthiness and limited beliefs, that breaking them is going to make you feel uncomfortable for awhile.
“I don’t want to give up my coffee and donut,” “I like to zone out in front of the TV,” “I don’t want to forgive him/her,” “I don’t have time to meditate,” “What if people don’t like me?”
Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson says that negativity sticks like velcro and positivity like teflon. Well…
The Biggest Obstacle To Successfully Change
As if familiarity and comfort are not sticky enough to keep us in the ‘same-zone,’ there is actually one that is even stickier! Once you get that one tackled, you’ll embody a power that gives you closer access to the ‘easy button.’
This biggest reason why it is so hard to change is simply that you don’t believe you can. With all your efforts, commitments and good intentions, underneath it all lives the ‘monster’ that has you believe that you can’t!
And guess what! You have plenty of reasons to believe that. You’ve tried it before and you failed. You’ve put all your energy into it, and nothing happened. You’ve been there, done that, even got the T-shirt and here you are – nothing has changed!
The Revealing Question: Do You Believe You Can?
Ask yourself this question: “Do I really believe that I can change ….?”
Let your body answer. Your body is much wiser than your mind. Take your time to FEEL what happens in your body when you ask that question.
Notice if you contract, hesitate, breathe shallowly, feel a heaviness in your chest or any kind of tightening. Or, does your body answer with a feeling of expansion, joy, warmth, or any other kind of feel-good feeling?
The body never lies, and that’s how you’ll know if you really believe you can or cannot change, and your results will match that belief.
You Need To Become Bigger Than Your Limitations
When you set an intention to improve your life, you must be stronger than your deeply ingrained patterns of wanting to feel comfortable and safe. That in itself is a big task, and demands your daily attention and commitment if you want to move into new and unknown territory.
Yet, with all good intents and purposes, unless you address the I can’t monster underneath it all, your efforts are moving through the ‘It’s not going to work – I can’t do it – I don’t believe this is possible filter’, and your results will match this filter.
This is a strong, solid pattern that we’ve all lived by for lifetimes, and let’s be fair: Life has been hard – and still is for most people. Things don’t come easy. They come after a big energy expenditure and if you don’t have enough energy available, you may buckle before you reach your goal. The feeling of I can’t is a big energy sucker, and you must claim your energy back, if you really want to change. By changing your belief into Feeling that you can do it, it will be reflected in the outside world.
How To Move From Believing That You Can’t To Feeling That You Can?
Your first priority must be to ‘meet the monster’ head-on. Be brave and face the fact that you live under that belief.
Remember, a belief is just a belief. It’s not the ultimate truth!
You need to acknowledge that this belief is coloring even your best intentions and the question above is a good indicator where you stand.
If you Feel a resonating Yes throughout your body, you are good to go. Go change what you want to change and keep facing old beliefs and obstacles (#3 below) with this invincible Feeling inside that you can.
If your body did not convince you that you can, well … that’s your first obstacle! You need to change the belief that you can’t change! That sounds like a double whammy, doesn’t it?
Let’s look at how to do it:
Let’s look at how to do it:
- Admit to yourself that you don’t believe you can change a current challenge/issue.
If you can’t FEEL it at this point in your life, make it a priority to get to the other side of that belief, no matter what. Admit and commit. Why not take back your power? Who needs it more than you do?
- Feel and Follow your Heart’s Longing.
Doubting your capacity to make real changes in life lies deeply buried inside because you have stopped following the Wisdom of your Heart.
However, if you have a Longing in your Heart to live a more healthy, spiritual, active, abundant life, please don’t dismiss that Longing. When you team up with your Longing, you are connected with the energy you need in order to move through the boulders blocking this Longing to come true. Please Feel and Follow your Heart and take it seriously!
- Get curious about this deep belief that you can’t change.
Look at all the reasons you are telling yourself and then challenge them. Some very common ones are: I don’t deserve it, I am not good enough, I don’t know how, I am not strong enough, etc. These are the strings that bind you and hold you back.
- Seek out help if you feel stuck.
This is not easy to do on your own at first. You need to have enough awareness to actually see and feel what you are doing. You’ll be surprised what an extra pair of eyes can do to make it a lot easier. If you feel moved to get support in moving through this boulder now, please sign up for a 30 min free Discovery Session with me to see what kind of support I can offer you.
Once you start your process, you’ll start noticing the smaller changes that are happening because you are taking back your power. You are moving closer – inch by inch, step by step – to the easy button.
- How to do it.
I’ll give you the short version in a small article like this, because it is a process that you need to repeat often and for a long time. You need to get to the point where you consistently can Feel this sweet Feeling of ‘YES, I CAN.’
- Become aware when you feel a sense of disempowerment.
Catch yourself when you doubt yourself, feel incapable or want to give up. These are the ‘dharma bells’ that help you wake up from the trance of I can’t that you’re about to enter.
- Pause, breathe and feel.
Take your time to become aware. Don’t believe your feelings nor your limited thoughts. Take a step back and just observe this feeling of disempowerment as if you are watching somebody else, or as if you are watching a movie. In other words, try to get some distance between you and this belief. Mindfulness is essential if you want to learn to create this distance, and if you are ready, you can learn it right here.
- Take time to bring all these limiting beliefs up to the surface and Love them into wholeness.
Most likely you can’t just change a negative belief into a positive one without doing the deeper work of Self Love. Remember what Rich Hanson says about velcro and teflon. By doing your inner work, you un-velcro the negative feelings and beliefs and transform them with Self Love. Then the negativity becomes teflon and your transformation turns into a new rewired velcro pattern.
- Try something new.
Even though you may not believe it or Feel it yet, imagine what it would be like to live as if you Can change. Envision your new life.
How does that Feel in your body? How do you breathe? How do you walk, when you Feel in your body and soul: “Yes, I Can!”? Let yourself feel elevated and grateful for your new life. These emotions are essential for true change.
- Make this a daily practice,
even if it seems silly because you really don’t believe it yet. By repeating it often, you start rewiring your neural connections into new ones that will match your new life. Here’s what my favorite teacher Dr Joe Dispenza says about change: “It takes consistent, repetitive, intentional intention to become the best at what you do.”
With that in mind, just think about what you consistently and repetitively listen to in your mind all day and night! “I can’t do it, I am not good enough, it’s too hard, I like my comfort……”
Could that be why things don’t change?
- Shift out of the contraction of I can’t and choose to pretend that you are someone who can.
Look for beliefs that support your goal and replace the ones that don’t work with those that make you feel happy and empowered. Keep Feeling these empowered Feelings to support your permanent change.
This is a great start and a foundational practice that you eventually need to fully embrace in order to experience permanent change.
Feel free to browse my website Divine Feminine Flow to see what kind of support you may need to make changes for the better. If you need support to change these old patters – and believe me, we all do – then please contact me for a free 30 min Discovery Session where we’ll explore what kind of support you might need and if I am the right mentor to receive it from. You can also start with my free ebook 5 Steps To Dive Into The Divine Feminine Flow and do a little practice on your own first.