Dear Friend,
How to get over a break up
The best way to get over a break up, is creating a good relationship with your self. Most of us are in or have been in relationships that were not really healthy for us. They were not supportive in the way we were hoping for, but because we don’t have/didn’t have a good relationship with ourselves, we compromised ourselves and went for the crumbs.
How often have you found yourself in a relationship (it can be any relationship – friendship, work, family, intimate) where you knew you were compromising yourself, yet kept doing it?
I have found myself there plenty of times in the past and it has taken me some time to figure out what made me do that.
There are many important steps to go through when you are feeling the pain from a break up to make sure no unhealed parts are left behind. Going through the feelings of grief, anger, rage, despair, fear to name a few, are normal and necessary to liberate present and past feelings that keep us from moving forward in our life. So please, make sure you give yourself the time to heal any and all of these emotions. You will feel so much better when you do. Just giving yourself the space and be kind and loving to yourself by allowing all the feelings to surface will transform and heal you in a much deeper and complete way.
This blog is not so much about what those steps are, as it is about creating a new relationship with yourself, so you won’t have to go through those painful steps again.
Going through a grieving process is different than to get over a break up. The word ‘get over’ already says a lot. We are so used to just getting over something so we can get on with our lives, but to me it is short changing yourself and makes it very likely that you may find yourself in a similar situation later.
A better term for ‘how to get over a break up’, is ‘how to heal and transform from a break up.’
A new Relationship with yourself
My best recommendation is to start a new relationship with yourself. In order to do that you first need to break up with certain aspects of yourself that prevent you from entering into this new one.
I know it is easy to feel attached to the parts of ourselves that keep hoping that the love we long for to, is going to come from the outside and take care of the loneliness and unworthiness that are at the core of most of us.
The Solution
But how about this: What if you start a healing process from the inside out where YOU fill yourself up inside first, so you don’t feel lonely anymore and YOU start transforming your unworthiness until you deeply feel worthy of Love?
- Just imagine walking around in your life already feeling Love inside of you, so that you can share it with others instead of needing it?
- Or how about walking around feeling worthy of Love, so you don’t get involved with people anymore who don’t support you in who you are or treat you with disrespect?
Many years ago I realized that the way I let people treat me is a good indicator of how I treat myself and how much I respect myself. When I respect myself, there really is no place for letting people treat me with less than respect. And if they do, I have no interest in being around them. However, as long as I don’t respect myself, I will try to defend myself, but only because I believe them.
The best way to get over a break up is to take time to grieve and feel all these deep emotions as a result of the break up. Then start to take an honest look at where you were giving yourself away for a few crumbs that always left you hungry for more. It will always be like that. If we go into a relationship with an empty Heart, like a hungry ghost, we will be in a constant state of feeling empty and hungry and willing to compromise and disrespect ourselves for a little morsel of love.
What matters to you?
Now the exiting part begins: You get to Know yourself at much deeper levels of what you want, what you love and what you long for. Instead of thinking that these longings can be fulfilled from the outside, you start doing and giving these experiences to yourself. You learn to become your own best friend and to treat yourself with respect, listen to what matters to you an take yourself seriously.
What do you think you will put up with when you feel full inside, filled with Love and Respect for yourself?
Morsels? Crumbs?
Of course not. Why would you want a morsel or crumb when you feel full? Those are only for the starving Hearts who have not learned to nourish themselves.
Once you start feeling full inside (full of Love for yourself and full of Respect for yourself) it only makes sense to engage with people who love to share their Love and receive your Love. Not because of feeling empty inside. On the contrary, it is because you are feeling full inside and have so much that you cannot help but wanting to share it.
How to start?
Once you know what you want, what your Heart longs for, and what matters to you, you are on your way. Start making a list of how you want your life to unfold. What do you want to experience? How do you want people to treat you – talk with you – connect with you – listen to you?
How can you take your first steps to treat yourself that way – talk to yourself – connect with yourself – listen to yourself?
Instead of trying to get over a break up, now you can start getting into a new relationship … with YOU … and make it exactly how you want it.
Feel free to share what you come up with.
ALL Love,
Pernilla
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