Getting Out Of Your Own Way Tip #2
That was the note we ended on in yesterday’s post called How to Get Out of Your Own Way. Now we’ll take a look at how that relates to how to let go of old patterns.
I hope you found a deeper Willingness to look at the boulders that clog up the Divine Flow in your life in the areas where you find yourself blaming others or justifying yourself. It’s not always pretty what you find, I know, and it takes some oomph to get past the first ‘ahem’ of embarrassment to see something we have projected out on others.
You Are Innocent
In my role as a Self Love Mentor, you can probably guess what I am going to say, right?
Well, let me remind you of this first: The blind spots and patterns that we are going to have to meet in ourselves were placed there innocently at a very young age. Imagine yourself as a little infant without discernment and totally dependent on your caregivers.
You are just like a little sponge that sucks up whatever the environment is offering, whether it is good for you or not. Orange water, purple water, green water or blue – it’s all the same to the sponge. It takes it all in without even thinking about it. A lot of it is good and life sustaining and yet, there may also be a lot that is not so good, especially on the emotional level.
We take in beliefs and assumptions without the skill to discern if it is in our best interest or not. Our parents were doing their best given the life circumstances they grew up in and they were probably loaded with blind spots that were passed on to them and now onto you and me.
Ahem
When I wrote about my ‘ahem’ in yesterdays post and expressed some embarrassment about seeing this blind spot in me, I didn’t let that feeling stop me from moving through it and using my Goddess given power to make new choices. Remember, it took me quite awhile before I could finally face that in myself – and had until then found it easier to project it out on my mom…. and a few others 🙂
It is not uncommon to feel embarrassment when we meet our unconscious blind spots. We’ve kept them out of sight for a reason.
Please don’t think that means you are not able to face them or change them.
Important Steps
So here is what I wanted to say as a Self Love Mentor: Start practicing Welcoming the embarrassment, say hello to it and notice how you would like to act or react differently now that you’ve become conscious of it. Choose to Be Kind to yourself instead of being critical. Get curious about what embarrassment feels like before you dismiss it. These are all important first steps to practice.
If you saw something in you that was hard to face – and easier to project out – don’t worry. You are doing great and are moving into a new direction that will dissolve the boulders – as long as you stay open and willing.
Willingness To Let Go Of Old Patterns
It takes Willingness
to see your behavior
to meet your embarrassment
to stay present with it
to not make yourself wrong for it
to meet it with compassion, knowing it slipped into your subconscious innocently
and it takes practice.
Imagine Being Kind To YourSelf
The reason I ended up as a Self Love Mystic and Mentor is of course because I did all the same things most of us have done by copying or rebelling against my parents. I had not learned how to meet mySelf with Love and Kindness and only knew how to use blame, shame and criticism hoping that would help me get rid of what I didn’t like about mySelf. Well… it didn’t work and I had to find other ways.
What I discovered works every time. My book ‘Imagine Being Kind to Yourself’ was one of my first attempt to put words to what worked for me and it goes into detail about how to do that. These blog posts will give you a good taste of these steps. It all comes down to one thing: Be Willing to not blame, shame of criticize yourself no matter what.
It won’t make it go away – it will make it stay.
So…Tip #2:
Choose Not To Blame, Shame Or Criticize Yourself No Matter What
Start exercising your Goddess given power to choose what you want instead. It takes time to change patterns. But it only takes one choice to start the process.
Are you Willing to choose to meet those places in yourSelf with Kindness?
Let me know how things unfold for you. There’s more coming …
Learn more about my work as a Self Love Mystic & Mentor at Divine Feminine Flow. I also teach meditation and mindfulness at UCSC. If you want to learn more about mindfulness, please start with the Meditation & Mindfulness course. Feel free to contact me for a free 30 min. Discovery Session to learn how true Self Love can turn your whole life around.
Thanks Pernilla for this wonderful post. Yes, willingness is one of my favorite words…so powerful! And yes, being kind to our self if crucial. Also, the picture of the baby is precious. I host a radio show called the Voice of Change. I’d love to have you on as a guest sometime, if that would interest you. Blessings, sharon
http://www.BlogTalkRadio.comVoiceOfChange
Thank you so much for your lovely comment Sharon.
Thank you for the invitation to be a guest on your radio show. I’d be honored.
I used to host my own radio show and took a break from it for now.
If you are interested, I have all the replays available
http://intentionradio.com/Unveiled/ and
https://divinefeminineflow.com/radio-broadcast-replays/
Let’s be in touch.
ALL Love,
Pernilla
We are often our own worst critics, but don’t realize that these feelings originate from inside us and not outside. This describes my relationship with my dad. He drank and smoked and when I choose not to as an adult, he took that to mean that I was criticizing his choices, when it had nothing to do with him and was simply me choosing what I wanted in my life. In choosing to see our relationship through this lens of criticism, my dad erected a barrier between himself and my love, one I didn’t have the power to remove.
Dad’s gone now and my relationship with him is better than ever. I’ve been able to forgive him and let go of the hurt and see that he loved me in the best way he knew how. Most of the “blind spots” in his life he inherited from his parents and their parents and their parents before them. Dad just didn’t have the tools to choose a different way.
Thank you, Pernilla, for doing the work you do and supporting people in the often difficult work of choosing a different way of relating to the world around us, and to ourselves.
Lesa recently posted..When You Get Hacked
Thank you Lesa, for opening up your Heart and share your story here. It’ beautiful how you’ve moved through it and are able to see it and choose differently. As I am sure you have noticed too, is that all that has now become the Gift of who you truly are and your parent (and mine!!) helped us pop out of the limitations we inherited without know it and their criticism and trying to mold us into something we are not, is exactly what gave us the energy to change.
And all is well with the world.
I liked your sponge analogy Pernilla, very true. I’ve also found that my journey of loving myself more involves looking deeply at areas in my life where I’ve recreated patterns I learned from my parents and am seeing the benefit of creating new behaviors that are more loving and kind to me. Thanks for sharing, Jeannette.
Thank you too, Jeanette,
I remember hearing that analogy many many years ago and it has always stuck with me because it helped me access my own innocence.
Very interesting thoughts on innocence and absorbing life like a sponge. I had never considered external influences like that… Thank you for the food for thought!
It changes the whole view of ourselves, doesn’t it. Suddenly we are not bad or guilty anymore but can approach ourSelves with more love and kindness 🙂