The Obstacles To The Divine Feminine, And How To Recognize Them

I recently finished a little market research about Women. I want to learn more about the challenges and obstacles getting in a Woman’s way of embracing Her Feminine Power and live in Her natural Divine Feminine Flow in this world. I wanted to narrow down on what exactly are these obstacles to the Divine Feminine? What is really getting in Her way of taking birth in these times?

Or in plain language: What is stopping YOU from living in alignment with your deeper Truth, authentic Expression and Divine Calling?

Outdated Roles

I feel deeply passionate about this quest in my own life, as well as in those of my clients, who are all struggling to fully become themselves. It’s been very revealing to see what makes it so hard for us Women to let go of the limitations and false identities that have kept us stuck and small in outdated roles. These roles don’t even remotely relate to who we are becoming – but yikes, they are sticky and seductive and oh so familiar.

Do You Want More Out Of Life?

There is an obvious trend in Women to want more out of life, while simultaneously feeling stuck and confused and not sure what to do about it. This discontent is actually a good sign –although really uncomfortable. I recognize this as the evolutionary Impulse making its way through these outworn identities so you and I can start experiencing a more evolved state of Being.

Do you ever stop and wonder why it is that what used to make you happy and fulfilled, just don’t cut it anymore? It’s not because there is something wrong with you or that you are not grateful. Keep reading and find out why.

I hope my little research below will help you realize that this is not wrong or selfish. It has nothing to do with selfishness to Feel that way. You are being ‘upgraded’ and you need to know that it is your old conditioning interpreting your reaction as being something negative. This old program is trying to stop your natural evolutionary leap. Not out of malice though, but simply out of fear of change.

I mean, really, you can’t call evolution selfish, can you? It’s just the evolutionary Impulse ItSelf that is naturally evolving into greater consciousness and Love.

But first, let me ask you: “Are you also feeling this discontent in your current life?”

What If This Discontent Is A Good Sign? 

Maybe you haven’t thought of it this way, but

• Could it be that this is how the Divine Feminine is trying to get your attention?
• What if it really is Her – your Divine Essence – using this Feeling to help you evolve out of the old?
• What if this is Her way of taking birth as HerSelf – through you and me?
• Could all of this discontent really be a good sign?

Your discontent may look like you feeling discouraged by your life, or feeling empty and meaningless in roles and behaviors that you used to enjoy. You may not find the same excitement in previously enjoyable activities. Maybe you want more out of your marriage, even though on the outside – and even the inside – you ‘should’ be happy!

The Obvious Obstacles To The Divine Feminine

So many of us are feeling that something needs to change, and that something is missing.

This feeling is a clear sign that She is behind the scene, trying to get onto your stage. It is not an easy entry! She needs to make it all the way through these obvious obstinate obstacles in order for Her to shine through. And the better understanding you have of what is really going on, the easier Her entry into your life will be. Using the metaphor of giving birth to yourSelf, when it all comes down to it, you are the one giving birth to yourSelf. You are the one entering onto your own stage.

You already are Her, although ignored and forgotten behind all the identities that you believed yourself to be.

And just between you and me: You are going to Love who is going to ‘pop out.’

You Need To Know What You Are Up Against

The research was not surprising because I already knew what we as Women are up against in this world. However, it was a bit shocking to realize the depth of it, how sticky it feels and how all pervasive it is in all Women.

It actually shook me up so much, that I feel an urgency to make my findings known to you – Woman – to help you see that you have been duped and conditioned to turn away from Her – your True Self. You have turned away from your True Divine Feminine Essence, and given up your Feminine Power, the exact quality that is so needed today.

Was The Dalai Lama Right?

Do you remember that the Dalai Lama once said that the Western Woman will save the world? Well, he didn’t tell you HOW, did he? How are we going to save the world, if we can’t even save ourselves from these lies that keep us small, scared and insignificant? Saving the world takes courage – the courage to be yourSelf first.

It’s time, Ladies! Let’s do it! Let’s save the world by stepping out of these false identities and let our innate Divine Feminine Power of Wisdom and Love take the lead. Please join me.

My Findings

Now let’s take a deeper look at my findings. I’ve put them into a few categories that were obvious in my research. These are categories that we as Women are still hiding behind. I ask you to please recognize which one/ones you identify with and find the curiosity and courage to face in yourself.

None of them are true, no matter how true and real they FEEL! However, they are the reason that you feel stuck, scared and unhappy. They are the closed door to your fulfillment and to your Divine to shine through. They are the obvious obstacles to your Divine Feminine in all Her glory.

I Feel 100% committed to live my Life in resonance with Her – the Divine Feminine in me – as She is making Her way through my conditioning into the world, advocating you – the Divine Feminine in you – to do the same.

The categories are not in order of importance, because they all seem heavily charged with ways to keep you small, insignificant and frozen from taking action.

1. Do You Feel Selfish When You Do Something For YourSelf?

Do you believe you are selfish when you honor your own needs? Include yourself? Say No to others? Yep! All across the board.

If you’ve already done a lot of work in this category, you know it’s totally possible to follow your own Truth, Heart and DeSires and Know in your Soul that you are being guided from within by Her. You Know in your Heart, that following the Divine like that is anything but selfish. On the other hand, if you spell Selfish with a capital S, your are on the right track.

If this is an area that you have not explored yet, or questioned in your own life,, here’s your chance.

One of the big obstacles we all have to move through is believing you are selfish if you – Goddess forbid – dare to do something for yourselves or even remotely know what you really want. So many of the Women I interviewed experienced guilt, even terror and fear of appearing selfish or pushy when they turned inside to what matters to them. Even before they had made just 1% of the 180°U-ey to go within, fear, self doubt, self hate had already crept in and pulled down the cover over Her emerging expression.
Aw-Shucks!

Dear One, your expression is needed in this world! Yet this cover has kept you small, invisible and frozen. So even though it may keep you safe in being like others, you’ll never experience the vibrant Joy and Fulfillment of truly Being You as you Flow as your own Divine Expression. You don’t need to be like others anymore, nor do you need to fit in.

However, maybe you can still recognize yourself in some of these beliefs:

• What will they think of me.
• You are so full of yourself.
• It’s not safe to be different and stand out!
• I’m afraid to be honest about my own needs and feelings.
• It’s easier to get my needs met by pleasing others and not have to deal with the consequences of stating what I want.
• It feels foreign to take care of myself – to honor myself – to listen to myself
• It’s very hard to focus on what I want

It takes a lot of courage to step out of that old paradigm and own your True Feminine Power. This Power is not Selfish at all. It’s the most loving and liberating Energy you’ll encounter in yourSelf. Why? Because it is YOU! You in your Divine Expression – your natural state. And YOU are the only one who can burst through the belief that you are selfish when you are Being You.

When I spell it out like that, don’t these beliefs sound quite ridiculous?

There is a big difference between being Selfish with a capital S or with a small s. When you live by your own rules, follow your deeper Longing and act on what you know is true, you are aligned with your deepest fulfillment. You have entered the Divine Feminine Flow, and She’ll take it from there. She’ll take You from here, to where you were always meant to go – to whom who were always meant to Be.  Let go of these beliefs and let Her take over.

2. I Don’t Know What I Want!

So many Women in my research don’t know what they really want. As Women we’ve been deeply conditioned to know what others want and ignored what we want. Of course this fits in with the previous category that it’s selfish to want something for yourself, so it’s easy to cut yourself off from it. But that was not all. For some Women it was quite terrifying to really Listen to and Feel what they deeply wanted. The terror was based on expectations to be rejected, shamed, called selfish or pushy, ridiculed and definitely never being able to get it.

The consequences of owning what you want and Feeling what matters to you seemed too painful and scary to even turn inside to find out. Many of the Women felt more equipped to live without having their deeper needs met. It felt more manageable to just receive the crumbs of appreciation from doing for others. At least they wouldn’t have to deal with the pain of not getting it or being shamed for it.

Of course this makes me want to ask you: Do you know what you deeply want in your Heart? Are you able to own the Feelings of your Longing and DeSires without backing off? Or are you too afraid to find out what deeply matters to you, because it’s easier to go without than taking the chance of being disappointed?

Most of us aren’t even considering the possibility of being pleasantly surprised!

Can you imagine being the Divine Feminine trying to get your attention through the deeper Longing in your Heart and then you keep shutting the door on Her? Can you imagine Being the Divine, asking you to open the door in your Heart so She can guide you to a fulfilled life, and then you turning away from Her? What better way can She reach you than through the Feelings of Joy and Love and Inspiration in your Heart?

The True Meaning Of DeSire

Most of us never realized the true meaning of DeSire. It wasn’t until I was shown in a meditation what it is and where it’s coming from. This changed my life – 180°. Suddenly it didn’t make sense anymore to ignore this most loving Gift from the Divine: The deSire in my Heart.

My invitation to you is to get curious about what this Longing in your Heart really is, before you dismiss it. I wrote this article about the subject called The True Meaning Of DeSire.

3. Is Giving To Others The Only Guarantee That You’ll Be Loved?

This belief is so dense, that I started wondering if it is ever possible to create enough distance from it to be able to explore how true it is. Let’s say it really is true, then it is no wonder that most Women are terrified to not do for others, right?

As I interviewed these Women I felt a surge of compassion for all Women. How far have we gone from our own Love, our own Value and our own sense of Worth. How did we come to believe that we are only lovable when we do for others and ignore our own needs? How can this ever be fulfilling? How can little crumbs ever make you feel happy – if you are even that lucky to get a few of them?

There Is A Reason That You Compromise And Ignore Your Own Needs

The reason is that you don’t feel you deserve to be Loved just for Being You! You translate that belief into compromising yourSelf and only doing for others. This in itself creates a gap inside of you where you distance yourSelf from your True Self, which makes you feel empty and in need to have it filled. Because you are not able to turn towards yourSelf and fill it from within, you have no choice but trying to fulfill it with the outer crumbs you get from pleasing others.

It’s quite a dilemma.

For many of the Women I interviewed, it sounded like this:

• I Feel exhausted from ignoring my own needs, but don’t notice it till after it’s too late
• I get sidetracked by other people’s needs and never get to what I really want
• I’m doing a lot, but not what I came here forI feel guilty when I do something for myself
• Will my life fall apart if I do something for me?
• I’m terrified to let someone down or make someone feel uncomfortable
• I am a burden and need to make up for it
• I don’t want to have needs
• People pleasing is the only way I can survive
• Pleasing others is alike a cocaine shot
• I need to take care of others before I can take care of myself
• I need to give to others in order to stay safe
• Others are more important than me

The solution lies in beginning to turn towards your own needs, wants and deeper Longing. Just start gently by opening up to them with curiosity instead of dismissal. It’s perfectly safe to just Listen to them without acting on them. It’s a mighty first step and I celebrate you for doing it.

When you eventually let yourSelf be filled up from within, you walk out into the world full! Full of your Self – your Divine Self – and your cup runneth over. You are then not doing for others because you need their crumbs. You are doing it because you can’t help wanting to share your own overflowing Fullness. Now you really Feel the Joy of giving to others, because you are already full inside. You don’t need anything back, although you can of course still receive it with gratitude and joy. You are no longer excluding yourSelf and are able to enjoy receiving both from within you and from outside of you.

Bottomline: When you give to yourSelf first, it won’t Feel like crumbs. You are the whole cookie.

4. I Feel Guilty If I Don’t Meet Others’ Hidden Expectations

This one surprised me. I grew up in Denmark, and can’t quite relate to it. I believe it has an American flavor to it. I even ran it by another European friend and she couldn’t really relate to it either.

However, if you have taken on this belief to be true, you’re probably spinning in guilt and 2nd guessing about what others expect from you without telling you directly.

Here’s an example of how this may look: If you ask me for a ride to the bus stop, I suspect that you really would like me to take you all the way to town. However, because you are afraid to ask me directly, out of fear of sounding pushy or being rejected, I have to second guess you. This is nerve wrecking, because I never know if I guessed it right:

• Should I take you all the way to town because I think that’s what you really want?
• If I am wrong, will you still like me?
• Will I question myself for the rest of the day that I did what you wanted, even though you didn’t ask me to?
• What if I just take you to the bus stop as you asked me, should I feel guilty for not taking you all the way to town?”

If you can relate to this, you may be under the blanket of the hidden expectations – the unspoken requests that bring confusion, guilt, and lots of worry.

I must admit, that I feel grateful that I didn’t learn that when I grew up, and do feel a lot of compassion if you did. It sounds nerve wrecking to me. Wouldn’t it be great to cut that one out of your life? Just imagine what we as Women are doing to each other!! We are causing ourselves and each other a lot of unnecessary pain and worry. Please, let’s stop it.

I want to suggest you break this cycle in yourSelf first. It will take a fair amount of courage to not try to meet the unspoken in others at first. You’ll have to be willing to be more honest in your conversations and ask them directly what they want, and then act as if you believe them.

It’s scary to suddenly be so upfront with what you want and asking others what they want. I do understand that one. However, when you let them know that you’ve been living under this belief that it’s not OK to ask for what you really want and that you are learning and practicing to be more honest about it, they may feel a sigh of relief. Both for you and for themselves.

Permission granted! Be yourSelf and ask your Women friends for what you really want without any hidden expectations. Someone has to turn this around. Why not you?

5. Unworthiness And Self Doubt

Like I mentioned above, the bottomline is that we believe at the core of our being that we are unworthy and undeserving. We have learned to doubt our own Worth, our innate Wisdom and our Divine Value. We never learned that we can be Loved just for who we are. I know, it sounds like a far fetched fairy tale, doesn’t it! Just being Loved without having to earn it or do something for it! It sounds gibberish, doesn’t it!

I recognize this one very much in myself, although it doesn’t have much charge left anymore.

Self doubt used to be my middle name. I would always doubt what I thought, felt and believed. I would even doubt my own experience. I thought others knew me better than I did. I just didn’t know what I could trust, when the world didn’t give me any confirmation.

I was dependent on outer feedback, because I had lost touch with my own Inner. Not surprisingly, the world reflected that belief back to me by questioning me and keeping me in the dark.

I didn’t believe I deserved to be happy, fulfilled and Loved, unless I worked hard for it and gave up being me … and even then, I reeked of unworthiness.

The more you can expose, see, become aware of and question these beliefs, the easier it will be to stop shutting the door on your Divine Feminine.

Wouldn’t it be more fun to open up the door to Her and allow Her into your life first and then hand over the rains and unleash Her out into your life? Allow Her to guide you into the life, that you came here to live? A life in service to the Divine and to Her audacious Energies building a new world?

This new world already lives inside of you and me, and is built on totally different Values. You’ll recognize these Values as that which you are already longing for inside your Heart.

Just look inside. What kind of a world would you like to live in?

Now, tell me: Is that selfish or Selfish?

That is where it all starts. Let’s do it.

I recently created a wonderful online program called Say Yes To YourSelf. I will offer this program again soon, and if you are interested already, please let me know, so I can keep you in the loop.

Pernilla Lillarose is a strong advocate to help Women feel empowered and embodied in their true Nature. I call it the Divine Feminine because She resonates with me. If you have another expression, please use that. Self Love helped me become Her and still does. If you would like to become the Woman you always wanted to Be, and need support in finding Her, connecting with Her and becoming Her, why don’t you set up a 30 min free Discovery Session with me and learn how you too can become Her – your own unique version of your true Self. There is more information you can dive into at Divine Feminine Flow, with blog posts, radio show replays, small ebooks and programs.