When you set a goal, you are actually choosing to become a different ‘you’ than you are now. You can call it your ‘future Self.’ There is a reason that you are experiencing yourSelf to Be who you are, and the way you are now – and not the way of your future Self. Wether you like it or not, this reason makes it near impossible to succeed in reinventing yourSelf into a better, more successful version of you – whatever that means to you. This very reason is why your goals don’t manifest the way you intend them to.
This Is What Happens When You Set A Goal
It all starts when you set a goal. It doesn’t matter what your goal is. It can be losing weight, start meditating, making more money or waking up from this dream we live in, all together. Whatever it is, it is different from your current experience and you know you need to make some changes.
When you set that goal, something happens. Unconsciously you alert your nervous system that you are entering an unknown territory. Unknown could mean ‘not safe,’ and it often does.
That makes sense, doesn’t it? When you plan to move out of the known – out of your familiar comfort zone – into the unknown, being alert is not a bad thing. However, your nervous system does not necessarily know the difference between being alert and being on high alert with alarms going off everywhere.
When these alarms go off, you may not know what happened, except that your stomach tightens up, your goal doesn’t seem so appealing anymore and your current life doesn’t look so bad after all.
If you have experienced any kind of danger in the past – real or not, consciously or unconsciously – in unknown, uncontrollable territory – dare I say it: your childhood – the fight/flight response in your nervous system is ON. Its job is to keep you safe and if you move out of your safety zone of familiarity, no matter how dismal that may be, you’ll get all the signals from your nervous system to either fight, flee or freeze.
STOP! DON’T GO THERE! DON’T FEEL! RUN! BACK TO SAFETY! HIDE!
Your Goal Is The Unconscious Trigger
Of course you don’t know this when you Feel inspired to
- change career because you are bored and unfulfilled, although the money is decent
- share your Wisdom with the world, because you know it will make a difference in people’s lives
- lose 30 pounds to gain better health and more self respect
- give yourSelf a raise so you don’t need to settle anymore
However, these goals set off the inner alarm and stop you from moving forward.
You Are Wired To Stay Safe
No matter how inspired you are and what amazing insights and Divine downloads you get, your nervous system has not forgotten. It remembers what happened in the past, and it was not good! It is still wired to make sure this will never happen again and is doing a mighty job, isn’t it? It’s kept you pretty safe so far. You are still alive, right?
Yes, you are wired to stay safe. And until you do some deep inner exploration, all your actions to reach your goal will have to pass through the security control in your nervous system.
It’s like going through security in the airport: Everything is a threat, even a carrot, until it’s seen for what it is and proven safe (I kid you not. That happened to me once in an airport!!!)
They mean well, I promise you, but …. you can’t mess with them (not the carrots, but the guards!) They need to feel safe before you can take any steps into an unknown future, no matter how much you want it, no matter how promising it looks.
So, how do you get your nervous system to feel safe when all it knows is high alert?
There is a way and I’ll share some steps with you below.
But let’s first get to know these guards a little closer. What do they believe? What are they afraid of? What have they not realized yet?
You Were An Innocent Sponge
When you grow up, you are like a little sponge, unable to filter the incoming information or discern what is true and what isn’t. You have not yet learned how to distinguish between what is said and what is meant – between how people act and how it relates to you – and between them and you. During your first years of life, it’s all you. Everything that happens to you is innocently and unconsciously taken in as if this IS you.
Your nervous system took it all in, and created the ‘you’ that you take yourself to be, even to this day.
This is the ‘you’ that you want to change with your current goal. This is also the ‘you’ who found a safe way through life and has no interest in leaving it’s safe place. The ‘you’ that you want to change, is the ‘you’ who’s holding you back. Not because it is mean or bad. It’s simply afraid and wants to stay safe. Maybe this puts a different spin on self sabotage. So even though ‘you’ are quite innocent, ‘you’ still needs to be seen, met and Loved.
Because of all these unconscious, unfiltered, unquestioned experiences from your past, the intention behind your goal doesn’t really know yet what you are up against. All you know is that you are tired of the current ‘you’ and feel inspired to change.
The ‘not so good news’ is that as long as you don’t know what security controls you need to pass through, you don’t have the tools, language nor experience to deal with them. Exactly how it was when you grew up.
That is called your blind spots or shadow side, simply because it is still slumbering deep down in your subconscious.
Do you think it’s a good idea to shine some light and consciousness on these ‘spots’ if you want to change?’
Me too.
So, we first need to know how your nervous system is wired and what it needs to relax and let some of that Inspired Energy in. This same Energy is what you need to have a new experience of life and of yourSelf.
The Security Gates In Your Nervous System
It’s often shocking to see how similar we all are. Really! I keep being surprised as I’m shedding, shedding, shedding all the fight/flight/freeze that I’ve carried in my nervous system, and how it’s a replica of everyone else’s. We all have plenty of security guards locked into our nervous system and many of us are ready for a new life.
I have some good news for you. There is a way out of this and into more and more Freedom. All it requires is some willingness and dedication to dismantle all the guards. The more you do, the easier the Inspirational Energy can move through you and embody ItSelf into a new ‘you’ – your future Self.
Awareness is always the first step before any change can happen.
Let me bring some awareness to some of the security gates that have kept you back from moving forward into this new ‘you.’
- Early childhood imprints that color your life experiences, choices, actions, beliefs, convictions. All unconscious, of course.
- Your gender with all the expectations that are put on you by your own and opposite genders. How about becoming a powerful, successful Woman who makes a lot of money? How about stepping out of stereotype gender roles and be seen! What will people think of you?
- All the vows you’ve taken on to make sure you stay safe and don’t rise out of the herd. Think about vows of poverty, invisibility, loyalty, perfection, receptivity, rebellion, middle class vows to never be really successful, etc. All unconscious, of course.
- The set points you have created to never surpass your parents level of success.
- The decision you made to ‘never be like them’ and the consequent battle you keep finding yourself in.
- All the ways you have compromised your truths in order to fit into what others expect of you, unbeknownst to you that you ‘trained’ them to see you that way. All unconscious, of course.
- Core beliefs of unworthiness, undeserving, not good enough, bad, wrong and unlovable.
- Rising out of the middle class paradigm and into someone who is more than just average – even rich.
- The fear of repeating past traumas or failures when you set a goal! How motivated are you to possibly fail again?
The list is long, and left unchecked, unturned and unwired, chances of you changing are slim!
Why Your Goals Don’t Manifest
Let’s go back to my carrot experience in the airport. As soon as the security guards realized it was a carrot and not what they are conditioned to look for/see, even though it was pointy at one end, they relaxed. I was allowed to walk through. Carrots are safe.
What do you think happens when you show up at your inner security guard with a new goal? A goal they have never seen before, but which reminds them of something they are conditioned to look out for (hint: your past traumatic events). If your goal, even remotely reminds them of something painful in the past – access denied!
Your nervous system is wired to compare everything that comes its way to similar past events – it’s conditioned to see danger around every corner. The guards are trained to make sure no danger will come to you again. This is why they are on hyper alert ALL the time. You really need to bring some trustworthy evidence that your goal indeed is safe. Just like the carrot.
The Steps To Pass The Guards
I have my own unique way to bring safety to your nervous system and support you in stepping into a greater version of You. These following steps are simple and comprehensible and helpful to know when you start your journey towards your future You.
Everything starts with Awareness.
Awareness: We’ll start with accessing your Felt Sense Direct Experience in your body and uncover what is stored in there.
The Lies: We’ll find the untruths you’ve lived by, which have kept you small and at arms length of Being You.
Safe To Be You: We’ll uncover the Real You and give you a new experience in your Felt Sense that Being You is safe now. Truly, it wasn’t safe in the past, I agree. Nobody ever celebrated me neither when I was Being my beautiful authentic Self, so I learned that it was not OK to Be me.
Celebrate: Once you start stepping up and out of your old identity, be sure you’ll have a tribe rooting for you. For sure, this is a new experience most of us never had. It’s one that will make the transition so much easier.
Expanding: It’s not over yet. Now you are on your way into a new You and it’s going to take some getting used to. Fear turns into excitement and curiosity.
Forever after: I don’t know what is in the forever after for you, but if you keep following your inner promptings from your Inspired Inner Energy, it’s sure to be good and amazing. Your future You is already waiting for you. Your inner work has made you strong, safe and confident enough now to step in and step up into your future You – the one who’s been Calling you for a long time. Connection made.
Creating A New Inner Paradigm To Match Your Goal
Once you really let yourSelf encounter your personal security guards in your nervous system, a lot of pieces are going to fall into place. Your current ‘you’ will begin to make sense, and you’ll start feeling a lot of compassion for what you innocently were born into. (How could I leave that part out as a Self Love Mentor) Self Love will make it easier – so much easier to soften into the real ‘You’ who has been behind the Inspiration to become your future Self all along.
This new inner paradigm is really You – the True You, who is tired of hiding behind the security guards. This is good news, because instead of having to change yourSelf, the invitation is really to Become yourSelf.
Now the security will give you the green Light. On a Felt Sense level, you Know that Being You is the only safe place to be.
So the way out is fully becoming YOU! No small task after lifetimes of thinking you were someone else. But totally possible.
You Know you are ready, don’t you? However, if this feels like too big of a leap to start on your own to dive in that deep, I’m here for you. Why don’t you set up a time with me for a free 30-60 min. Clarity/Discovery Session so we can find out where you are currently in your life, who you would like to become, and what is standing in the way for that to happen. There’s more help to be found about Self Love on DivineFeminineFlow
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